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Lesson: I just don't know what to say...

"Forever Friends"

"Eternal Love"

"Mountain Riders "

"My girlfriend and I"

M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R

Lesson: Don't use a bomoh lah...

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Year 1998 - When Tun Dr. Mahathir was the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

One day in the middle of the economic crisis, Prime Minister Tun (then Datuk Seri) Dr Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighbouring country can be doing better than Malaysia. One of his aides said, "I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country."

Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysian Bomohs are also able to do so, and he went on to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country. After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr Mahathir that there were 2 things that he must do.

Bomoh : Step 1 - You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr Mahathir : But Why ?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'.You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh : Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr Mahathir : What!? Why him?

Bomoh : Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.

Dr Mahathir : But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh : Aiyoh Datuk Seri... look at your name, MAHATHIR, which stands for 'Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly'.

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Year 2008 - When Tun Dr. Mahathir was the EX-Prime Minister of Malaysia.

One day in the middle of the PakLah / UMNO / BN political crisis, Tun Dr Mahathir went on the see the same Bomoh he met some 10 years ago. After consultation sessions, the bomoh told Tun Mahathir that there was only 1 thing that he must do.

Bomoh : You must get rid of PAKLAH.

Tun Mahathir : How is that possible? He is the current Prime Minister. This is the most difficult thing to do, he is the 'numero uno' in this country.

Bomoh : Aiyoh Tun... look at your name, MAHATHIR, which stands for...

M - Must

A - Always

H - Hantam

A - Abdullah

T - Till

H - He

I - Is

R - Removed

Petua cover malu selepas terjatuh

Lesson: Can be implemented if necessary

1. Kalau tersepak batu:
Jangan terus bangun, sebaliknyer anda baring dan terus berguling-guling hingga jauh dari perhatian ramai... lepas tu baru bangun bila takde orang nampak..

2. Kalau terjatuh beskal:
Cepat-cepat naik beskal anda semula dan jatuhla lagi sehingga berkali-kali supaya orang ingat anda saje-saje buat lawak.

3. Kalau terjatuh tangga:
Terus bersilat seolah-olah anda dirasuk atau sedang berlawan dengan makhluk halus...

4. Kalau terjatuh dalam longkang:

Pungutlah sampah yang ada sambil marah-marah dengan suara yang kuat, pasti orang menyangka anda seorang yang amat prihatin terhadap kebersihan.

5. Kalau jatuh ketika nak naik bas:
Jeritlah kuat-kuat... " Oi! apa tolak-tolak ni?" walaupun tiada orang di blakang anda.

6. Kalau terjatuh di depan bus stop:
Terus buat-buat pengsan sehingga ada orang membantu anda..kalau takde..baring
terus sampai malam dan takde orang lagi kat bus stop tu...haa...ni lah masa sesuai untuk bangun semula.

7. Kalau jatuh tergelincir kat lantai licin:
Tarik la kawan (atau sesiapa yang ada kat sebelah anda) untuk jatuh bersama-sama supaya tak lah anda sorang je yang dapat malu...ye tak?

Petua ini adalah rekaan semata-mata, kalau nak ikut, anda pikirlah
sendiri.

Carmen, why did you do this to me?

Lesson: Don't let a celebrity have a crush on you

Dear Carmen,

I found out about this from a friend of mine. How could you do this to me? It's over remember? I know how special I was to you, and how cute I am, but you don't have to tell the whole world about it.

C'mon... Move on girl!!! Now I'm a married man. I got a son, I got a wife.

http://www.celebritydumpster.com/view.html?id=182415

p/s: You'd better go to Miami Ink and get that tattoo brushed-off !!!

A Blonde and her doctor

Lesson: If in doubt, ask!

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks", said the doctor. "The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds", he added. The blonde, in doubt, then says "OK Doc, i'll see ya later".

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds!!! “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” the blonde says.

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor. “No, from skipping”, says the Blonde.

A Blonde buying Television

Lesson: You should have basic knowledge on electrical appliances.

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain.

“I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair. She then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me”, she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she went back to the appliance store.

She approached the salesman again and said, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave”, he replied.

Brazillian Soldier

Lesson: Mathematic and brain are essentials

President of the United States of America, Mr. George Bush is sat in the oval office in the famous White House one morning, reviewing the Iraq situation with his generals. The door opens, an aide walks in.

"Bad news I'm afraid, Mr. President. We have just had word that 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq", the aide reported.

"Are you sure, officer?", asked Bush in great shock.

"Absolutely Mr. President, the reports have been verified.", the aide firmly answered.

All of a sudden, President Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands, and starts sobbing with grief. It was absolutely inconsolable. The President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly. All that the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled "Oh my god... oh my god..., I can't believe this... "

Eventually, President Bush looks up to his Deputy, Mr. Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks, "Exactly... can you tell me how many is a brazillion, Dick?"

Sleeping during sermons

Lesson: Don't poke your husband's leg with a needle when he's asleep.

One day Angelina went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverand, I have a problem, my husband, Brad, keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?", she said.

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Brad is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Angelina sat beside his husband. As expected, Brad dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Angelina.

"Jesus!!!", Brad cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Brad," said the minister.

Soon, Brad nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Angelina.

"Oh God!!!" Brad cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again, Mr. Brad" said the minister, smiling.

Before long, Brad again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Angelina mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Angelina poked her husband, who then yelled, "Please! You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time... and I'll break it in half... and shove it up your ass!!!".

"Amen....." replied the congregation.

John & His Boss

Lesson : Give your staff proper advises

John is an office boy, a married man at the age of 36. He works for an engineering company in the city. One day, he calls in to work, engaging to his boss and says,

"Good morning boss, I am not coming to work today, I am really sick."

His boss replies, "Whats wrong with you?"

John says, "I got a headache, a stomachache and my legs hurt. I won't be able to come to work."

The boss says, "You know John, actually I really need you today to run errands for me. Anyway, let me give you my personal health advise. When I feel sick like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

"Thanks Boss", John says and subsequently hangs up.

Two hours later John calls again, "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I will be at work soon"

His boss replies, "See? I told you it would work"

Before John hangs up, he says, "Thank you boss. By the way, you got a nice house."