Tabiat Suami Melalui Ciuman

Lesson: Just for laugh

Kenali tabiat suami melalui bahagian yang di suka cium:

Suka cium dahi isteri = suami yang romantis.

Suka cium pipi isteri = suami yang penyayang.

Suka cium mulut isteri = suami yang gelojoh.

Suka cium tengkuk isteri = suami yang mata keranjang.

Suka cium telinga isteri = suami yang sensitif.

Suka cium leher isteri = suami yang penyabar.

Suka cium buah dada isteri = suami yang suka bermanja.

Suka cium tangan isteri = suami yang hipokrit.

Suka cium ketiak isteri = suami yang menerima isterinya seadanya.

Suka cium (tut - censored) isteri = suami yang pemalu.

Suka cium punggung isteri = suami yang suka bergurau.

Suka cium kaki isteri = suami yang terlalu menghormat isteri.

Tidak suka cium mana-mana bahagian badan isteri = suami yang mementingkan diri.

Dan Yang Terakhir...

Suka cium seluruh bahagian badan isteri = suami yang baru balik dari outstation.

Photo Studio

Lesson: I just don't know what to say...

"Forever Friends"

"Eternal Love"

"Mountain Riders "

"My girlfriend and I"

M.A.H.A.T.H.I.R

Lesson: Don't use a bomoh lah...

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Year 1998 - When Tun Dr. Mahathir was the Prime Minister of Malaysia.

One day in the middle of the economic crisis, Prime Minister Tun (then Datuk Seri) Dr Mahathir was feeling extremely frustrated and wondering how a neighbouring country can be doing better than Malaysia. One of his aides said, "I heard that the leaders consult Feng Shui masters to ensure prosperity for the country."

Dr Mahathir thought if that was the case, Malaysian Bomohs are also able to do so, and he went on to seek the top bomoh's advice in the country. After reviewing the case, the bomoh told Dr Mahathir that there were 2 things that he must do.

Bomoh : Step 1 - You must blame the crisis on SOROS for everything.

Dr Mahathir : But Why ?

Bomoh: Because SOROS stands for 'Speculate On Ringgit Or Stocks'.You must blame him, and look at ways to control the ringgit and stock market.

Bomoh : Step 2 - You must get rid of ANWAR.

Dr Mahathir : What!? Why him?

Bomoh : Because ANWAR stands for 'A Nation Without Any Ringgit'.

Dr Mahathir : But how? This is most difficult to do, he is popular with the people.

Bomoh : Aiyoh Datuk Seri... look at your name, MAHATHIR, which stands for 'Make Anwar Homosexual And Then Highlight It Repeatedly'.

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Year 2008 - When Tun Dr. Mahathir was the EX-Prime Minister of Malaysia.

One day in the middle of the PakLah / UMNO / BN political crisis, Tun Dr Mahathir went on the see the same Bomoh he met some 10 years ago. After consultation sessions, the bomoh told Tun Mahathir that there was only 1 thing that he must do.

Bomoh : You must get rid of PAKLAH.

Tun Mahathir : How is that possible? He is the current Prime Minister. This is the most difficult thing to do, he is the 'numero uno' in this country.

Bomoh : Aiyoh Tun... look at your name, MAHATHIR, which stands for...

M - Must

A - Always

H - Hantam

A - Abdullah

T - Till

H - He

I - Is

R - Removed

Petua cover malu selepas terjatuh

Lesson: Can be implemented if necessary

1. Kalau tersepak batu:
Jangan terus bangun, sebaliknyer anda baring dan terus berguling-guling hingga jauh dari perhatian ramai... lepas tu baru bangun bila takde orang nampak..

2. Kalau terjatuh beskal:
Cepat-cepat naik beskal anda semula dan jatuhla lagi sehingga berkali-kali supaya orang ingat anda saje-saje buat lawak.

3. Kalau terjatuh tangga:
Terus bersilat seolah-olah anda dirasuk atau sedang berlawan dengan makhluk halus...

4. Kalau terjatuh dalam longkang:

Pungutlah sampah yang ada sambil marah-marah dengan suara yang kuat, pasti orang menyangka anda seorang yang amat prihatin terhadap kebersihan.

5. Kalau jatuh ketika nak naik bas:
Jeritlah kuat-kuat... " Oi! apa tolak-tolak ni?" walaupun tiada orang di blakang anda.

6. Kalau terjatuh di depan bus stop:
Terus buat-buat pengsan sehingga ada orang membantu anda..kalau takde..baring
terus sampai malam dan takde orang lagi kat bus stop tu...haa...ni lah masa sesuai untuk bangun semula.

7. Kalau jatuh tergelincir kat lantai licin:
Tarik la kawan (atau sesiapa yang ada kat sebelah anda) untuk jatuh bersama-sama supaya tak lah anda sorang je yang dapat malu...ye tak?

Petua ini adalah rekaan semata-mata, kalau nak ikut, anda pikirlah
sendiri.

Carmen, why did you do this to me?

Lesson: Don't let a celebrity have a crush on you

Dear Carmen,

I found out about this from a friend of mine. How could you do this to me? It's over remember? I know how special I was to you, and how cute I am, but you don't have to tell the whole world about it.

C'mon... Move on girl!!! Now I'm a married man. I got a son, I got a wife.

http://www.celebritydumpster.com/view.html?id=182415

p/s: You'd better go to Miami Ink and get that tattoo brushed-off !!!

A Blonde and her doctor

Lesson: If in doubt, ask!

A blonde is terribly overweight, so her doctor puts her on a diet.

“I want you to eat regularly for two days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for two weeks", said the doctor. "The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds", he added. The blonde, in doubt, then says "OK Doc, i'll see ya later".

When the blonde returns, she’s lost nearly 20 pounds!!! “Wow, that’s amazing!” the doctor says. “Did you follow my instructions?” The blonde nods. “I’ll tell you, though, I thought I was going to drop dead that third day.” the blonde says.

“From hunger, you mean?” asked the doctor. “No, from skipping”, says the Blonde.

A Blonde buying Television

Lesson: You should have basic knowledge on electrical appliances.

A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain.

“I would like to buy this TV,” she told the salesman.

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair. She then came back and again told the salesman, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me”, she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she went back to the appliance store.

She approached the salesman again and said, “I would like to buy this TV.”

“Sorry, we don’t sell to blondes”, he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, “How do you know I’m a blonde?”

“Because that’s a microwave”, he replied.

Brazillian Soldier

Lesson: Mathematic and brain are essentials

President of the United States of America, Mr. George Bush is sat in the oval office in the famous White House one morning, reviewing the Iraq situation with his generals. The door opens, an aide walks in.

"Bad news I'm afraid, Mr. President. We have just had word that 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq", the aide reported.

"Are you sure, officer?", asked Bush in great shock.

"Absolutely Mr. President, the reports have been verified.", the aide firmly answered.

All of a sudden, President Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands, and starts sobbing with grief. It was absolutely inconsolable. The President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly. All that the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled "Oh my god... oh my god..., I can't believe this... "

Eventually, President Bush looks up to his Deputy, Mr. Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks, "Exactly... can you tell me how many is a brazillion, Dick?"

Sleeping during sermons

Lesson: Don't poke your husband's leg with a needle when he's asleep.

One day Angelina went to have a talk with the minister at the local church. "Reverand, I have a problem, my husband, Brad, keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing. What should I do?", she said.

"I have an idea," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mr. Brad is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give him a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Angelina sat beside his husband. As expected, Brad dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Angelina.

"Jesus!!!", Brad cried as his wife jabbed him the leg with the hatpin. "Yes, you are right, Mr. Brad," said the minister.

Soon, Brad nodded off again. Again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning towards Angelina.

"Oh God!!!" Brad cried out as he was stuck again with the hatpin. "Right again, Mr. Brad" said the minister, smiling.

Before long, Brad again winked off. However, this time the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few motions that Angelina mistook as signals to bayonet her husband with the hatpin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

Angelina poked her husband, who then yelled, "Please! You stick that goddamned thing in me one more time... and I'll break it in half... and shove it up your ass!!!".

"Amen....." replied the congregation.

John & His Boss

Lesson : Give your staff proper advises

John is an office boy, a married man at the age of 36. He works for an engineering company in the city. One day, he calls in to work, engaging to his boss and says,

"Good morning boss, I am not coming to work today, I am really sick."

His boss replies, "Whats wrong with you?"

John says, "I got a headache, a stomachache and my legs hurt. I won't be able to come to work."

The boss says, "You know John, actually I really need you today to run errands for me. Anyway, let me give you my personal health advise. When I feel sick like this, I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes everything better and I can go to work. You should try that."

"Thanks Boss", John says and subsequently hangs up.

Two hours later John calls again, "Boss, I did what you said and I feel great. I will be at work soon"

His boss replies, "See? I told you it would work"

Before John hangs up, he says, "Thank you boss. By the way, you got a nice house."

Michigan Department of Environmental Quality

Lesson : Make sure you know what you are complaining

Special Note: Please read the whole thing from A to Z.

This is an actual letter sent by the Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan to a man named Ryan DeVries.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LETTER FROM THE LOCAL AUTHORITY :

STATE OF MICHIGAN

Reply to:

GRAND RAPIDS DISTRICT OFFICE

STATE OFFICE BUILDING 6TH FLOOR

350 OTTAWA NW

GRAND RAPIDS MI 49503-2341

JOHN ENGLER, Governor

DEPARTMENT OF ENVIRONMENTAL QUALITY

HOLLISTER BUILDING, PO BOX 30473, LANSING MI 48909-7973

Website: http://www.mighigan.gov/deq

RUSSELL J. HARDING, Director

December 17, 1997

Mr. Ryan DeVries,

2088 Dagget

Pierson, MI 49339

SUBJECT: DEQ File No.97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. DeVries,

It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

"Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet stream of Spring Pond".

A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A review of the department's files shows that no permits have been issued. Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated.

The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently hazardous and cannot be permitted. The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel. All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 1998.

Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activit on the site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement action. We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.

Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

Sincerely,

David L. Price

District Representative

Land and Water Management Division

616-356-0269

dlp:bjc

cc:

LWMD, Lansing
MontcaImCEA

Pierson Township

Lieutenant Mary C. Sherzer, DNR LED

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

RESPONSE LETTER:

From:

Stephen and Rosalind Tvedten
2530 Hayes Street
Marne, MI 49435-9751
Tel: 616-677-1261
Fax: 616-677-1262

To:

David L. Price

District Representative

Land and Water Management Division

Grand Rapids District Office

State Office Bldg., 6th Floor

350 Ottawa, N.W.

Grand Rapids, MI 49503-2341

August 23, 1998

Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20; Montcalm County

Dear Mr. Price,

Reference your certified letter dated 12/17/2000 has been referred to me to respond to. First of all, Mr. Ryan DeVries is not the legal landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan - I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris" dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of natures building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could ever match their skills, resourcefulness, ingenuity, persistence, determination and/or their work ethic.

As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam activity. My first dam question to you is:

(1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers, or

(2) do you require all beavers throughout this state to conform to said dam request?

If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through the Freedom of Information Act, I request completed copies of all those other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we will see if there really is a dam violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.30101to 324.30113 of the Michign Compiled Laws, annotated.

I have several concerns. My first concern is; aren't the beavers entitled to legal representation? The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay for said representation -- so the State will have to provide them with a dam lawyer.

The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed during a recent rain event, causing flooding, is proof that this is a natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than harassing them and calling their dam names.

If you want the stream "restored" to a dam free-flow condition please contact the beavers -- but if you are going to arrest them, they obviously did not pay any attention to your dam letter, they being unable to read English. In my humble opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green and water flows downstream.

They have more dam rights than I do to live and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the natural resources (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams). So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until 31 January 1998? The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then and there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them then.

In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention to a real environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears! Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone. If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The bears are not careful where they dump!).

Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to contact you on your dam anwering machine, I am sending this response to your dam office.

THANK YOU.

STEPHEN L. TVEDTEN & THE DAM BEAVERS

Pok Mat & his birds

Lesson : Always ask the right question

In a peaceful village outskirt of Janda Baik, Pahang, there is an old man by the name of Pok Mat whose hobby is rearing birds. One fine morning, Pok Mat realized that all his birds were stolen. Having a thought that the incindent is too much for him to keep to himself, he then organized a gathering for the entire villagers.

Pok Mat asked all the villages, "Does anyone here have birds?" The entire male villagers stood up.

Realizing his mistake in phrasing his question, he then asked "That is not what I mean. I want to ask, has anyone here seen birds?"..... The entire female villagers stood up.

With a red face, realizing that his question is still not as what he has in mind, he then asked "I am very sorry, that is not what I mean. Has anyone here ever seen birds which are not owned by oneself?"... Nearly half the female villagers stood up.

Pok Mat's face is now turning red and he began to panick."Apologize again... err... what I mean is... has anybody here ever seen my birds?"… Pok Mat's wife stood up, together with two other elderly ladies at the far corner of the crowd.... This time his wife's face turns chilli-red.

Pok Mat immediately disappears into the bushes!!!

The Politic Dilemma

Lesson : Stay away from politics

Disclaimer : This is just a joke forwarded by a friend

There was a saying that if you have other nationalities working as domestic help in yourhousehold, chances are.. the following goes missing:-

Get Viets, dogs missing

Get Bangla,girls missing

Get Indon, money missing

Get Chinese, husband missing

Get African, wife missing

But now its worse after the recent General Election.

(this pilihan raya betui-betui kepala pusing!)

Get Najib, Mongolian missing

Get KhirToyo, temples missing

Get Samy, shares missing

Get Rustam, pigs missing

Get Zainudin, info missing

Get Nazri, truth missing

Get Rafidah, AP missing

Get Hisham, keris missing

Get Soi Lek, Viagra missing

Get Dr M, memory missing

Get Ka Ting, do nothing, every 'ting' missing

Get PakLah, always sleeping and missing

Get Tsu Koon, LP missing

Get Kit Siang, chilli padi missing

Get Anwar, tilam missing

Get Nik Aziz, UMNO missing

Aiyoyo, (betui-betui kepala pusing) . . . . .

GET KHAIRY JAMALUDDIN... MALAYSIA MISSING!

Know where you are going in life

Lesson : Know where you're going in life. You may already be there....

A boat docked in a tiny Goan village. A tourist from Mumbai complimented the Goan fisherman on the quality of his fish and asked how long it took him to catch them.

"Not very long," answered the fisherman.

"But then, why didn't you stay out longer and catch more?" asked the Mumbaite.

The Goan fisherman explained that his small catch was sufficient to meet his needs and those of his family.

The Mumbaite asked, "But what do you do with the rest of your time?"

"I sleep late, fish a little, play with my children, and take a siesta with my wife. In the evenings, I go into the village to see my friends, play guitar, sing a few songs... I have a full life."

The Mumbaite interrupted, "I have an MBA from IIM-A, and I can help you! You should start by fishing longer every day. You can then sell the extra fish you catch. With the extra revenue, you can buy a bigger boat."

"And after that?" asked the Goan.

The Mumbaite explained, "With the extra money the larger boat will bring, you can buy a second one and a third one and so on until you have an entire fleet of trawlers. Instead of selling your fish to a middle man, you can then negotiate directly with the processing plants and maybe even open your own plant. You can then leave this little village and move to Panjim, or even Mumbai. From there you can direct your huge new enterprise."

"How long would that take?" asked the Goan.

"Twenty, perhaps twenty-five years," replied the Mumbaite.

"And after that?" asked the Goan again.

"Afterwards? Well my Friend, That's when it gets really interesting," chuckled the Mumbaite, "When your business gets really big, you can start selling stocks and make millions!"

"Millions? Really? And after that?" asked the Goan.

"After that you'll be able to retire, live in a tiny village near the coast, sleep late, play with your children, catch a few fish, take a siesta with your wife and spend your evenings doing what you like with your buddies."

"With all due respect sir, but that's exactly what I am doing now. So what's the point wasting 25 years?" asked the Goan.

Life is just like a coffee

Lesson : Learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

A group of graduates, highly established in their careers, got together to visit their old university professor. Conversation soon turned into complaints about stress in work and life. Offering his guests coffee, the professor went to the kitchen and returned with a large pot of coffee and an assortment of cups telling them to help themselves to the coffee.

• porcelain


• plastic


• glass


• crystal


• some plain looking


• some expensive


• some exquisite

When all the students had a cup of coffee, the professor said: "If you noticed, all the nice looking expensive cups were taken up, leaving behind the simple and cheap ones. While it is normal for you to want only the best for yourselves, that is the source of your problems and stress.

He continues... "Be assured that the cup itself adds no quality to the coffee. In most cases, it is just more expensive and in some cases even hides what we drink. What all of you really wanted was coffee, not the cup, but you consciously went for the best cups... Then you began eyeing each other's cups."

Now consider this, said the professor, "Life is the coffee; the jobs, money and position in society are the cups. They are just tools to hold and contain Life, and the type of cup we have does not define, nor change the quality of Life we live. Sometimes, by concentrating on the cup, we fail to enjoy the coffee God has provided us. Enjoy your coffee!"

The happiest people don't have the best of everything. They just make the best of everything. Four things to take note of in life...

1. Live simply.
2. Love generously.
3. Care deeply.
4. Speak kindly.

The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems, but those who learn to live with things that are less than perfect.

Sex, Martian Style...

Lesson : Do not have sex with aliens

The year is 2222 and Mike and Maureen land on Mars after accumulating enough Frequent Flier miles. They meet a Martian couple and are talking about all sorts of things.

Mike asks if Mars has a stock market, if they have laptop computers, how they make money, etc. Finally, Maureen brings up the subject of sex.

'Just how do you guys do it?' asks Maureen.

The Martian responds, 'Pretty much the way you do.'

A discussion ensues and finally the couples decide to swap partners for the night and experience one another. Maureen and the male Martian go off to a bedroom where the Martian strips. He's got only a teeny, weenie member about half an inch long and just a quarter-inch thick.

'I don't think this is going to work,'says Maureen.

'Why? What's the matter?' he asks.

She replies, 'Well,it' s just not long enough to reach me!'

'No problem,' he says, and proceeds to slap his forehead with his palm. With each slap of his forehead, his member grows until it's quite impressively long!

'Well,' she says, 'That's quite impressive, but it is still narrow.'

'No problem,' he says, and starts pulling his ears. With each pull, his member grows wider and wider until the entire measurement is extremely exciting to the woman!

'Wow!' she exclaims, as they fell into bed and made mad passionate love.The next day the couples rejoin their other partners and go their separate ways. As they walked along, Mike asks, 'Well, was it any good?'

'I hate to say it,' says Maureen, 'but it was wonderful. How about you?'

'It was horrible,' he replies. 'All I got was a headache . She kept slapping my forehead and pulling my ears!!!'

Dfference between wife & girlfriend

Lesson: Choose a TV

1. Wife is like TV, girlfriend is like Handphone (HP)

2. At home you watch your TV, but when you go out, you bring your HP.

3. When you have no money, you sell your TV. When you have extra money you change your HP.

4. Sometimes you enjoy watching TV, but most of the time you play around with your HP.

5. TV is free for life but HP, if you do not pay, the services will be terminated.

6. TV is big, bulky and most of the time old, but handphone is cute, slim, curvy and very portable at any time.

7. Operational cost for TV is often acceptable but for HP is high and often demanding.

8. Most Important, TV has a remote. HP doesn't have any.

9. Last but not least TV does not have any virus, but HP yes especially when you turn-on the Bluetooth device. Once the virus executes, your HP will be "dead".

Be truthful to your wife

Lesson : Always tells your wife the truth

A lady tells her husband to go to the store to buy some cigarettes.

He walks down to the store only to find it closed. So he goes into a nearby bar to use the vending machine. At the bar he sees a beautiful woman and starts talking to her.

They have a couple of beers and one thing leads to another and they end up in her apartment. After they've had their fun, he realizes its 3:00am and says,

"Oh no, its so late, my wife's going to kill me. Have you got any talcum powder?"

She gives him some talcum powder, which he proceeds to rub on his hands and then he goes home.
His wife is waiting for him in the doorway and she is pretty angry.

"Where the hell have you been?"

"Well, honey, it's like this. I went to the store like you asked, but they were closed. So I went to the bar to use the vending machine. I saw this great looking girl there and we had a few drinks and one thing led to another and I ended up in bed with her."

His wife said... "Oh yeah? Let me see your hands!"

She sees his hands are covered with powder and she shouted...

"You God damn liar!!! You were playing pool again!!!"

How do you get to heaven?

Lesson: Can't fool those Scottish kids

I was testing the children in my local Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to Heaven.

I asked them, "If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into Heaven?"

"NO!" the children answered.

"If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything neat and tidy, would that get me into Heaven?"

Again, the answer was, "NO!". By now I was starting to smile. Hey, this was fun!

"Well, then, if I was kind to animals and gave sweets to all the children, and loved my wife would that get me into Heaven?" I asked them again.

Again, they all answered, "NO!"

I was just bursting with pride for them. Well, I continued, "then how can I get into Heaven?"

A six-year-old boy from Paisley ( Scotland ) shouted out....

"YOU'VE GOT TAE BE F**KIN' DEAD!"